By PopLurker Readers and Aaron Russell

 

Personal hygiene is a funny thing. While we all agree that we need to keep our various parts and sundries clean and free of jeefa (that’s Hebrew slang for rot), the method or way we get there can be subject to trends. Sure, we’ve traded in that douche-nozzle of yesteryear for a good old washcloth and soap. And yes, we know wearing an onion on your belt was the style at the time. That’s why we here at PopLurker asked some of our readers for some hygiene products that failed them in the most enraging ways. Some of what we got was…

15. Menstrual Cups

“My hands were so far up my snatch that my fingers smelled like blood all day, in spite of endless scrubbing.”

14. Strydex Pads

“If you’re not greasy, they rape your face.”

13. Axe Deodorant

“This shit brainwashed a generation of teens who thought they needed to exist in a faux-masculine cloud of it.”

12. Natural Deodorant

“It just doesn’t work. You might as well rub rocks under your pits.”

11. Off-off-Brand Supermarket Menstrual Pads

“They don’t absorb the mess, and the blood hydroplanes on the damn thing. It’s just awful.”

10. Nair

“It didn’t remove the hair, it was an acid burn on your skin, and it stunk like decomposing corpses.”

9. Proactive Acne Treatment

“You used it far too many times per day, three times I think, and it made you break out more that you were.”

8. DIY Korean Foot-Treatment Booties

“I spent weeks cleaning up the flaked skin they left behind.”

7. OB Tampons (without applicators)

“Environment be damned, I need my plunger!”

6. Oral B Toothpaste

“I just can’t use this stuff. It seriously makes the top of my mouth peel off!”

5. Teeth Whitening Strips

“These things blast your enamel, then make your gums pale, and after all that mouth savagery they also make your teeth hurt!”

4. Eye cream

“Eye Cream is a farce! It’s nothing more than thick, burning moisturizer!”

3. Dry Shampoo

“It makes your hair look gray!”

2. Unscented Laundry Soap

“I’m not even kidding, it makes your clothes feel/smell like they were never washed. And no- it doesn’t fight the crotch-rot!

1. Natural Soaps

“Not only do you come out of the shower smelling the same as when you went it, but probably worse because of shitty chlorinated city water.”

 

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