One of the proudest days in a dad’s life is when his child takes an active interest in something he likes. It could be art, music, sport, or midnight margaritas. That day came for me when I was sitting on the couch with my 4-year old daughter. We were flipping through the channels, when she yells, “Wait! Go back!” I scrolled back a station to find Godzilla locked in mortal combat with a giant, filthy buzzard. I was a little worried she might be scared by it. I looked over, but I didn’t see any fear on her face. She was transfixed. After Godzilla fire-breathed the skanky bird out of the sky, and it plummeted into the ocean, she turned to me and asked, “Who’s that!?” I said, “That’s Godzilla. He’s the good guy,” glossing over some cinema history. She turned to me slowly, still watching the TV, with this look…
The movie was 1969’s All Monsters Attack (aka Godzilla’s Revenge), and the Pandora’s Box was open. But she was still only four, so naturally I had to fast-forward the boring human parts and get to the good stuff. Four years, many movies, and thirty Godzilla toys later, the girl is still in love with the big, green guy. She still sleeps with her Beenie Baby God-Z.
So when I told her they were going to remake Godzilla vs King Kong soon, she went gangbusters. I let her watch the Godzilla parts of Godzilla (2014), and she loved them. I also gave her the good news that she’d be old enough to see it on her own at the movies by then. She said, “No, dad. I want to see it with you.” My heart melted. I made her pinkie promise, just in case.
It did get me thinking. By the time it comes out, we’ll have already gone through Kong: Skull Island, Pacific Rim 2, and Godzilla 2. Will monster-on-monster fatigue have set in by then? I mean, it’s hard to believe we’d get tired of this…
It started a conversation between us, as to what the plot would be about. I challenged her to come up with some concepts, and I came up with a couple of my own. Sure, monster battle royals are awesome, but we’d thought we’d break up the monotony a little.
So if Legendary Pictures is listening, we’re practically spoon feeding you cash money, brah.
1) The Foodies
If you want to make bank these days, food porn is your go-to. My daughter has been learning how to cook with us, so naturally her newfound skill set applied to her first idea.
She was vague on the details, but she said, “Godzilla has to cook for King Kong, and King Kong is rich and kind of a jerk.” That should be enough to start off with. I’m sure it’s no problem for 5-10 ghost writers to fill in the blanks.
Want to get every demographic ass in the theatre? Well, start making:
Leave it to this girl to unite all the genres. She describes this as, “First they fight. Then they kind of like each other and beat up other monsters. Then they get married.” You can’t argue with 8-year old logic. It would be the Titanic of monster movies. Get Celine Dion on the phone, stat!
3) National Lampoon’s Godzilla Vs. King Kong
Okay, this one is my concept.
Two rival fraternities go at it. Party barf, nudity ensues, the feel-good story of the decade.
4) The Crossover
Okay, again, this one’s my idea. Wouldn’t it be great to combine TV’s greatest show and cinema’s greatest monsters?
I don’t know, there might be some copyright issues with the title. And looking at it now, I’m not sure what I was thinking. Something about the government coming up with a plan to get King Kong and Godzilla to hang out and chief tons of meth as a way to stop their madness, and the military is going to have to get the best cook they can find. It was the worst decision to kill off Cranston in 2014. #bringbryancranstonbacktothegodzillafranchiseyouassholes.
5) It’s On
I should mention that my daughter wrote and illustrated her own Godzilla book. Friendship among monsters was the driving theme, because friendship is magic, and it ended with a dance party.
Therefore, her last idea was modeled after her book. Since she was sparing with the details, let’s just assume the Monster Island Rec Center was going to be bulldozed by Destroyah’s dad to make room for a new golf course, and our plucky young monsters had to win the big dance-off in order to save it.
Legendary Pictures, we’ll be patiently waiting for those royalty checks.
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