Maybe Peter Pan had it right.
Growing up is for the fucking birds.
Sure, there’s a lot of benefits to that whole adulthood thing. I mean, you don’t have to follow your parents’ rules. You can go to bed whenever you want. Eat chicken nugget quesadillas while drunk. Drink lots of beer. Have sex with other consenting adults….uhhhh…
Who are we kidding, this crap is bogus.
Childhood was magic. Nothing made sense and your brain filled in the blanks. Everything new was mysterious and romantic. Simply driving in the car with your entire family was a cozy experience until your older sister started poking you with scissors again. Then before we know it, we’re old. And have to take care of ourselves. With kids of our own.
And we have no idea what we’re doing.
20) Just…You Know…Work
“Nobody ever told me how to pursue anything. “Work hard” they said, but they never taught me the steps you go through to be successful at stuff. I have to figure out each step on my own.”
19) You’re Fucked
“I have no idea how to get a doctor as an adult.”
18) Just Crash Your Car
“Changing the bulb in a car headlight. Thankfully there’s YouTube videos.”
17) Probate Problems
“Anything to do with handling an estate/ having to be there adult when a family member dies and having to handle the taxes, all the death certificates and light years of red tape involved.”
16) Just Go Broke
“Financial stuff, especially budgeting. Knowing how much should be/is spent on what every month is daunting. I’m going to make sure my kid knows what’s up before she’s an adult.”
“Taxes taken out of my paychecks and having to file taxes yearly. It was a huge shock when I got my 1st jobs at 18 and 1/2 my paycheck was gone.”
14) Just Put the Thing in the Thing
“When you’re growing up, no one explains kinks or sexual preferences to you. You figure out what you’re into, but nobody tells you that maybe a date or a partner will want to do things to you that you’re uncomfortable with, repulsed by, or not even remotely sexy to you….”
13) Mommy Problems
“Getting sick and still needing to be responsible for your family…instead of being taken care of.”
12) Foreclosure is Fun
“Property taxes. The whole escrow concept. Do you pay it on your own or let the escrow company take care of it?”
11) Shit Gets Heavy
“I had no idea you end up with a 6-week period after giving birth until I was pregnant with my kids!! No one tells you!!”
10) Just Swipe the Card, Right?
“Credit. No one explained it. And when I would sit at the table while my parents were doing their bills my dad would make me leave…I wanted to learn.”
9) Good Morning!
“That most days going to work is a hellscape and you just want to stay in bed and die instead.”
8) Don’t you like our Hold Music?
“Insurance, like it’s a nightmare. Forms, verification, referrals, copay…. like just take some money and send me to a damn specialist already.”
7) But Social Security…Oh.
“I had economics class in high school, it was useless… that’s about it. I have no money even remotely prepared for retirement, I’ll have to work till I die, basically.”
6) You Kids Like Dirt, Right?
“How to raise kids. I was the youngest in my family for about 12 years, I have no understanding of the behavior and habits of young kids except what I can barely recollect or what I’ve picked up along the way.”
5) Walk it Off
“Dealing with depression and healthy coping skills for the pressures of adult hood. I can see clear as day the amount of depression in my family members in retrospect, but no one ever talked about anything like that. Nobody ever said, hey try doing this when you’re stressed out or anxious, I had to find my own ways, and pot, escapism into video games, ignoring problems, and booze aren’t coping mechanisms.”
4) Are there Robots for that Yet?
“Had anyone warned me how much of my life would be dedicated to doing laundry and washing dishes, I never would’ve signed up for adulthood.”
3) Cushy Living
“Things like toilet paper always being stocked or condiments readily available in your fridge. The adults put them there, they don’t just reappear in their own. Didn’t think about that until I first moved out on my own.”
2) Hand over the keys, son
“A lot of stuff regarding driving/owning a car. I’d been taught how to move and park, but had to figure out how to pump gas for the first time when I was 22 (just getting the tank cover open required me to check Google). Then also, the fact that you HAVE to report an accident to the DMV if the damage exceeds a certain amount. I’d just assumed: we’re both uninjured, insurance will handle the cars.”
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