Sing along with us to the tune of the original Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song. Ready? You know how it goes!
Guiltless, no carb, Keto Pizza
Guiltless, no carb, Keto Pizza
GUILTLESS, NO CARB, KETO PIZZA
Gonna eat the whole thing- on my diet!
Cute, right? But now you’re getting excited.
We are- because pizza…on a diet!
Or rather, a new way of life.
If there’s one thing we remember fondly about the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon from the 80s, it was the copious amounts of pizza the four half-shelled cool-dudes got delivered down to their sewer trash cavern. From peanut butter and clams, to sardines and marshmallows, the dudes got more creative than a group of bored-ass stoners on a Pop-Tart and Nutella sandwich kitchen tear.
But today on PopLurker, we decided to flip the script. What if, instead of pizza with strange toppings, we made a pizza…out of strange ingredients?
For the last five weeks (as of this writing) both PopLurker editors Breana and Loryn have been adhering to the Keto Diet, a low-carb, high fat/protein diet that gets your body in a metabolic state known as Ketosis. Your body then relies on fat and protein to burn into energy, rather than carbohydrates and sugars. Which means you stop eating processed sugars/starches/grains/beans/gluten/and root vegetables. It’s a very satisfying diet. Both of us have found we’re less hungry between meals and the high fat foods are nourishing and delicious.
That said, it’s important to stay creative to keep the momentum going.
When we stumbled upon this pizza crust recipe from Keto Connect, we basically lost our minds. And it’s made with only three ingredients- canned chicken, Parmesan cheese, and eggs. Could it be true? Could pizza euphoria be ours once more?
The answer is hell yes.
We performed some minor tweaks to the recipe method, actually removing a few steps that are unnecessary. Add in our own original recipe for Keto-friendly pizza sauce. Throw on just about any topping you can think of, and you’ll be back in Pizzatopia faster than you can say…
Keto Diet Carb-Free Pizza Crust
- 2 (15 oz) cans of chicken breast (be sure it’s the kind in water only and has no fillers)
- 1/3 cup (up to 1/2 cup) of parmesan cheese
- 3 eggs
Preheat your oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit. Drain the canned chicken and dump it out onto a kitchen towel of some paper towels. You need to squeeze the remaining liquid out of it because you want a very dry product. Add the dry chicken breast from both cans into a mixing bowl and break up the chunks with a fork or your hands.
Add the Parmesan cheese and three eggs. Mix it up and shape it onto your baking surface. You can make two personal sized pizzas from this recipe or one large family-sized crust.
If the canned chicken is too yuck for you, you can make this using fresh chicken. Just boil and shred 2 LBS of chicken breast, or cook 2 LBS of chicken breast in the crock pot with 1/2 cup of water, seasoned with Italian seasonings on high for 4 hours. Shred the chicken and the rest of the recipe maintains the same.
This is where our method varies from the original linked recipe. The cooks at Keto Connect instruct that you bake the canned chicken, return it to your bowl, add the Parmesan cheese and eggs, then shape it and bake it again. Through testing, we found this is not only unnecessary, but results in a crust that’s just a little too dry. Baking the crust once is sufficient and it means you’ll get to eating dinner much faster.
Loryn prefers to use a round pizza pan lined with a sheet of parchment paper cut to size. Breana uses a standard cookie sheet lined with foil. As you can see from the pictures, you can take liberties with the shape and thickness of your crust, just like thin crust versus pan pizza.
Pre-bake your crust at 425 degrees for 15-17 minutes until it’s just starting to brown and the center is no longer wet.
Keto-Friendly Pizza Sauce
- 1 tiny can of tomato paste
- ¼ to ½ tsp of the following:
- Onion powder
- Garlic powder
- Dried basil
- Dried oregano
- Half a packet of Stevia
- Hot tap water
Scoop the tomato paste into a bowl and add hot tap water until it’s reached the consistency of pizza sauce, which is just a little thicker than standard tomato or spaghetti sauce. Add your spices and Stevia and mix. Set aside.
Once your pizza crust comes out of the oven, let it cool for just a few minutes, about 5-10 is fine. Crank the oven’s temperature up to 500 degrees. While your oven is heating up, go ahead and prep your toppings!
As long as it’s on the Keto-Diet, the sky is the limit! (Which means eat all the clams and sardines you want, but replace that peanut butter with almond butter…maybe leave the marshmallows for another day). Smear the sauce to your preference on the pizza crust and sprinkle it with your cheese and toppings.
Breana’s pizza has a delicious assortment of sausage and pepperoni, while Loryn had mushrooms. Mozzarella cheese, cheddar cheese, be creative!
Bake in your 500-degree oven for about 11 minutes or until your cheese has melted and everything is bubbling and delicious.
Let it sit for a minute until the sexy-bubbly-cheese dance slows down from a twerk to a waltz. Then slice it up and feed it to your whole family.
Even our kids don’t question this pizza- to them it’s just delicious. And if you’re so inclined, feed it to your date! And if April O’Neil doesn’t fall for you after tasting this incredible dish, you tell her she can put that cheese…
…in The Shredder…
Statement: PopLurker is not owned by a corporation. We are a small collective of writers trying to create content that will make the internet a happier place. When you show our Patreon some love, you’re helping out the little guy whose sole mission is to help your day be just a little brighter. If you’re able to, please contribute so we can continue creating more hilarious content!