These Star Wars Fun Facts Might Convince Them to Give Back Your Wife

By Matthew Byas


Well, you’ve gone and done it.  You went and got your wife kidnapped again.  Her captors haven’t made any ransom demands yet, so you’re playing the waiting game.

But while you’re playing the waiting game, why not learn some fun Star Wars facts?  These facts are guaranteed to put a smile on your face and, if properly deployed, might win over the person or people currently holding your wife hostage to the point that they release her!


Han solo swaggerHarrison Ford got the role of Han Solo after he installed cabinets at George Lucas’ house.

Yes, that’s right!  Harrison Ford’s now-iconic role only came about because he happened to be installing cabinets at the home of George Lucas himself.  That’ll surely bridge some common ground between you and whoever took your wife.


Harrison Ford only agreed to reprise the role of Han Solo in The Force Awakens after it was promised his character dies.

Here’s another fun Ford fact!  You’ll wanna keep it in your back pocket in case you get another call from an unregistered number where the speaker clearly had their voice altered.  Much like Mr. Ford and the Han Solo role, your wife’s kidnappings are a mainstay that you’re getting tired of dealing with!Han Solo#285.gif


In the original cut of A New Hope, Han indeed shot Greedo first; it was later recut to where Greedo shot him first.

On second thought, you might want to stay away from this one – the “Greedo shot first” debate is something of a sticking point in the fandom, and it’s best not to make your wife’s captors angry!  You learned that lesson after the incident in Helsinki.alec-guinness-empire23.jpg


Mark Hamill is now older than Alec Guinness was when he was playing Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Yikes, here’s a factoid that’ll make you feel old!  Still, if they’re even remotely appreciative of how well Mr. Hamill has aged, this can only help you.  Maybe you can open up a dialogue?


youtube4Mark Hamill has carved out a long, successful career as a voice actor, most notably voicing the Joker in numerous media.

This one isn’t necessarily Star Wars-related, but Mark Hamill’s long career voicing the Joker brings back some nostalgic memories for people who grew up with his distinctive take on the Clown Prince of Crime.  If the kidnappers are millennials again, there’s a good chance you can reach common ground by talking about Batman The Animated Series.


Only a select few cast and crew were informed of the big twist at the end of The Empire Strikes Back.david-prowse

Why does this keep happening?  As far you know, your wife is an ordinary accountant.  You’re getting tired of explaining her disappearances to your kids.  You asked her family about it once, but they didn’t seem terribly bothered by the kidnappings.


George Lucas’ childhood had a huge effect on Star Wars, as it draws heavily from both westerns and samurai films.

As great a piece of media as Star Wars is, you can’t not mention the inspirations: George Lucas drew the story heavily from samurai films, Flash Gordon serials, and various westerns.  But those inspirations were molded into something we all enjoy today, including – you’re hoping – the people who have your wife.


Stormtroopers-SWRFacebook.pngThere’s a real-life legion of Stormtroopers that gets dispatched to public events to represent the brand.

No list of Star Wars facts is complete without mentioning the 501st, that famous band of fans that turned their dedication into a source of inspiration for millions.  Maybe they can band together and find your wife, because your local police have essentially asked you to stop reporting her as missing.  To be fair, they were very clear that they would gladly assist you with any other problems that might come up, but the amount of work you were generating would necessitate that they hire several additional detectives and the budget is tight right now.


starwars_resume_books2The universe of Star Wars has been greatly explored in several expanded universe novels.

But it wasn’t just your police force.  The FBI also requested that you not contact them anymore.  Most law-enforcement agencies, both national and international, have agreed that you just create too much work, and that delegating it all out would be a pain.  You tried reaching out to some vigilante groups, but even they turned you down – evidently your family has a reputation.  You just want your wife back.


Ackmena.pngThe most prominent recording of the Star Wars Holiday Special was done by a fan in Dayton, Ohio.

Deep down, you know this is no way to live.  But it’s not like you can divorce her now.  As soon as you did, you’d just look like the guy who bailed as soon as things got too difficult.  It wouldn’t matter if you explained that she got kidnapped at least once a week, sometimes two or three times – you’d really come off as a jerk, and that’s not cool.  Sure, you’ve tried to have this conversation with her, but she gets kidnapped so often it’s difficult.  And it’s not like she just gets kidnapped to avoid tough conversations – when you were going through couples counseling a couple years back, she made it to the sessions where she wasn’t involved in some sort of cult kidnapping, or quid pro quo kidnapping, or that one time she tried to kidnap someone herself to see what it was like but they turned the tables on her.  She’s a good woman and you love her.


Stormtroopers_f36ff76aPrinces William and Harry made appearances as Stormtroopers that were later cut.

There were a lot of famous names that cameoed as Stormtroopers in the post-Disney movies- too many to name!



Matthew is celebrating May the Fourth on Twitter.

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