By Loryn Stone
Mother’s Day is a special time of year. The singular day your poor, broken mother is supposed to sit pretty, get a little present, and be allowed to sit for a damn minute without someone whining about how they want a party, they want a cookie, they want to stay up.
I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now…
Captain Hook had it right.
But some of you out there might be cynics and say “Why do we have to declare the day for the mothers? Why can’t people just do nice things for their moms without having a full day dedicated to it? Why can’t we just do it because we want to?”
And well, as a mother myself, I can respond with confidence when I say…
“Because you fucking won’t, dude.”
But the Mommies on our countdown today have it right. These goddesses of material mastery are exemplary examples of perfection- those with prowess so grandiose, we can only wish to someday achieve their level of motherhood command. So today on PopLurker, we’re celebrating the best of the best, and we’re counting down the Top 10 Mothers You’re Bummed Aren’t Yours!
When you’re done, make sure to hug your mom, yeah?
10) Mama from Mama
She’s ready to give you a lot of attention.
9) Anna Morgan from The Ring
All she ever wanted was you.
8) Joan Crawford from Mommie Dearest
You don’t need anyone but her.
7) Pamela Voorhees from Friday the 13th
She’ll go to bat for you.
6) Xenomorph Queen from Aliens
She’s nurturing and protective.
5) Pearl Forrester from Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tough love is the name of the game, but you are family and she’ll send guys into space for you.
4) Margaret White from Carrie
She’s an unwavering believer.
3) Lois from Malcolm in the Middle
She’ll keep you in line with loud, aggressive love.
2) Peggy Hill from King of the Hill
She’s the smartest mom you’ll ever meet- didn’t you know that already?
1) Lady Tremaine from Cinderella
She makes sure the fun isn’t limited to *just* the pretty girls.
You can wish Loryn a Happy Mother’s Day on Twitter. She also has a personal blog, and her debut novel My Starlight (a YA novel about anime, cosplaying, fandom, sexuality, love, loss, and friendship) will be released August 3rd, 2018 by Affinity Rainbow Publications. Pre-sales will be available in July.
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