PopLurker Recipes: Dip it in Everything (or Eat it Straight) Cleveland Show Dip

By Matthew Byas

 

 

It’s simple – it’s just butter, ranch, hot sauce, sour cream and a splash of thousand island.  You can dip everything in it, or you can eat it straight.

In the third-season Cleveland Show episode “Sex and the Biddy”, there’s an episode where Cleveland makes this tantalizing dip.  I knew ever since I watched this episode that it was my destiny to create this dip…and thankfully, it’s not anything the Internet seems to have really latched on to.  Sure, I could do six different burgers from Bob’s Burgers, but there’s not much charm in being the trillionth person to make the “Spinach Inquisition” burger (now with extra spinach!), so I’m kinda glad I’m keeping it niche.

Some housekeeping!

First, I’m aware that there’s not a lot to say about dips, so I made three different recipes here.  “Man Makes Dip, Is Possibly Impressed with Results” doesn’t a fun article make, so I tried three different variations on this recipe.

Second, if you’re familiar with the episode, you’d know that Cleveland uses Tabasco-style hot sauce (which, as an aside, is apparently what everyone but me thinks of when they hear the words “hot sauce”), but that’s kind of watery and spicy for dip purposes, so I used salsa.

Third, despite how it was shown in the episode, I melted the butter because…come on.  It’s 10x easier to work with.

Let’s get dipping!

 

Variation #1: As Seen On TV

1

¼ cup salsa

¼ cup sour cream

¼ cup ranch dressing

2 tbsp butter (¼ stick)

Splash of thousand island

Directions: Mix your non-butter, non-thousand ingredients in a bowl until everything is perfectly mixed.  Melt the butter (30 seconds on high should do it), pour it in with the dip and mix until incorporated.  Squirt some Thousand Island on there, stir it in, and you’ve got dip, baby.

2

 

The results. My goodness.  I walked into this figuring that the original recipe would need a little workshopping, hence my other two variations.  I didn’t expect this to be so, y’know, good.  I would honestly take this dip with me to a social gathering – it’s that delicious.  Picture your average recipe like five guys screaming the same thing at once.  Odds are they really don’t blend, you just sorta hear five voices at once.  This is one of those instances where they blend perfectly into a pleasing chorus.  Even the butter, which I expected to be an afterthought, really enhanced this dip.

This puts me into a bit of an awkward position.  As I said, I fully expected this dip to be mediocre at best.  These next variations are either going to absolutely make it worse or make it waaaaaay better.

 

Variation #2: Zip It, Lock It, Put It in Your….Packet

3

¼ cup salsa

¼ cup sour cream

2 tbsp butter

Splash of thousand island

1 packet ranch dressing mix

Directions: Mix the salsa and sour cream, melt the butter, mix it in to the salsa/sour cream mix, splash the Thousand Island in there, and dump in one packet of ranch dressing mix.

4

 

The results.  As someone who’s enjoyed some ranch in his day, I know that ranch is occasionally overpowered by other elements.  I figured this variation would compensate for that.

Man, was I ever wrong.

First of all, without the additional liquid from the ranch, this turned out as more of a spread or paste than a dip.  Second of all, it is way too ranchy.  Going back to my earlier metaphor, imagine the same five voices, but now, Ranch Guy is yelling at the top of his lungs directly into your ear.

I gave this version a hard pass.

 

Variation #3: Beef, It’s What’s For….Dipping.

5.jpg

¼ cup salsa

¼ cup sour cream

¼ cup ranch dressing

2 tbsp butter

Splash of thousand island

¼ pound ground beef

Directions: Brown some ground beef.  Remember variation #1?  Of course you do.  Do that, then throw in your beef.

6

 

The results. Oh my.  This is quite delightful.  The beef just enhances dip #1.  I think we have a winner.  It’s so rare to see all of these ingredients working in perfect harmony, but that’s exactly what we have here.

As I said way back in variation #1: I fully expected this to be mediocre.  I thought adding the ranch packet and beef would take it from “mediocre” to “passable” to “yeah, I’d eat that if someone made it”.  Instead, we started at 10 and ended all the way up at 15.  I’m being completely serious that if you ever need a last-minute dip for your party, you could do a lot worse than a dip some comedy writer told you to make because it was on a long-since-cancelled cartoon.

Now go forth and make this delicious dip, and as Cleveland says, “they haven’t had a whole lot for my character to do since I was reincorporated into Family Guy”.

 

 

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