Ah, new relationships.
It’s always a rewarding feeling when the person you’re crushing on returns those feelings. You’re giddy, excited, ready to see where this new relationship goes. You even wonder if this is someone you see yourself spending ample amounts of time with.
And then they say or do something that just a fucking deal breaker.
Deal breakers can range anywhere from embarrassing, sickening, right down to terrifying in the wrong situations. So, when we asked our readers for their top deal breaker stories, their answers made us say “No, it’s not me, it’s definitely you” as well!
20) Pig Pen Life
When I sat in her car and it looked like a house straight out of a Hoarders episode.
19) Quick to the Draw
A guy once showed off his knife and gun collection to me and I was pretty done after that.
18) Guess She’s Not into Importing/Exporting
Finding out a girl I liked hated Seinfeld. I pretty much grew up on it, and it informs roughly 75% of my sense of humor. She dropped this on our second date which made me kind of surprised I had even gotten that far.
17) This is Where the Death Goes!
When the guy said: “I used to inject heroin in my neck!”
16) Motivational Hygiene
No joke, he said “wow, being with you helps encourage me to brush my teeth”, as in he hardly ever brushed his own teeth before. It was repulsive to be around him after that… I don’t understand how he didn’t think brushing was a necessity before that.
15) I’m the Favorite
My ex-boyfriend; Cut him out of my life the second he hit me with his science project. Turns out he blamed me for his shitty ass attitude. No one believed him. But I’m still friends with his siblings. They love me more than him.
14) Mr. Movie-Version
The instant deal breaker was when he said “I don’t read books”.
13) The Big Announcement
I was sleeping with a new guy for the first time. When he shouted “Here I come” when he finished, I knew I couldn’t look him in the eye again. It was over soon after that. The relationship ended too.
12) Let Me Pour One for the Road
Whenever a date says “Oh you drink? That has to stop.” HA, peace out, lady!
11) A Family Affair
I went to pick up my date and heard a guy on the other side of the door yell, “Your boyfriend’s here!” Then he threw and broke something, and it turns out it was her ex, who she lived and had a kid with.
10) I’ll Pick the Other Option
I don’t talk about religion with people up front because I’m an atheist in the Bible belt, so was hanging with this guy I had a crush on when he proceeds to go on a rant about people who aren’t “saved” and how they’re going straight to hell. That was the end of that.
9) Doubly Disturbing
I dated a girl for 3 months before finding out she didn’t believe in dinosaurs. This came up after I talked about the craziest girl I ever dated… who didn’t believe in dinosaurs. Yup.
She thought “The Simpsons” was the dumbest show ever made and refused to ever watch it.
7) Play Daddy with Me
She was wearing an adult diaper. We were 19. ‘Nuff said.
6) Worst Man Ever
I made a remark about not fitting into my wedding dress (it was a family heirloom and a bit small). My fiancé told me that if I gained any weight before the wedding he was going to do me, his virgin bride, in the ass. I’d been joking. He hadn’t been. He also didn’t like that I had pictures of other guys in my shoebox of photos from school, and made me destroy them. So I have no relics of my two years at boarding school thanks to him. The day before the wedding invitations were to be mailed he made me get rid of my cat and that was the final straw. I decided I wasn’t ready to be married, marched back into the shelter and got my kitty back and broke up with him over the phone.
He took me to a party and after a few drinks, he and his friends busted out Cards Against Humanity. On purpose. And they were happy about it.
4) It All Comes Out
I dated a guy in college who blew his nose into his hands in the shower. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
3) I Know Cool People!
That time he said, “See that house over there? That’s my meth dealer, she’s a serious badass!”
2) Inky Secret
A guy hit on me while I was working at Spencer’s Gifts and he thought a great way to get me all hot and bothered would be to show off his awesome UV tribal tattoo under one of our blacklights. NOPE.
1) Suck it Out of a Hose
When I lowered my face toward my new man’s junkyard and he came all over the place before I even touched him. He assured me it was a fluke and would be good to go in a minute. A minute later I decided to be a trooper and lowered my face toward his reinvigorated situation. Again, before I could touch him, he firehose jizzed all over the place. I grabbed my purse, called up my best friend, and met him for a drink instead.
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