5 Sexy Erotic Books to Satisfy Every Couple’s Lusty Hunger

By Matthew Burroughs

 

In times as ominous and uncertain as these, it’s important to focus on the things that keep us grounded, stable, and happy as a society: long walks on the beach, a relaxing afternoon in the sun at a baseball game….and of course erotic fiction. Alright, so maybe not everyone shares my enthusiasm on the subject, but erotica is still a big part of modern literature. As I’ve previously shared, one of my favorite past times is to read these morally questionable works of depravity to my wife, usually at bed time.

But with so many options out there, how do couples find what’s for them, and what makes for the best bed time reading? Well, if you’ll allow me the privilege, let’s review five erotica selections of varying genres. Hopefully, these stories will give you and your partner a few ideas on how to entertain yourselves during a nice quiet evening at home. Excited? Me too; I hate the teasing buildups to last too long, so let’s get right into it.

The, uhh, reviews…that is.

 

5) Girth

Girth

Any jaunt into all things erotica requires a read of an unapologetically filthy piece of smut and Girth (written by someone by the name “dirty brandi”) caught my eye. Look at its insane, pornographic cover. By a mere coincidence, this ended up being the book I chose to read first. I had no expectations of this being of high quality, but it looked like great smutty material to read to my wife and have a laugh.

Reading on the Kindle means skipping all the useless pages and getting right to the action. So, rather than consulting the table of contents, we meet a young girl trying to get a school project done. We quickly pan to her unhelpful, douche of a partner who just happens to be the handsomest man she’s ever seen.

Two paragraphs later and she’s losing her virginity and calling this asshole “master” while getting verbally abused for her libido.

The sex is lazily written, immature, and subpar. The writer cared more about conveying the girl as a “thirsty whore” than how steamy this moment should have been. I look down at my “time remaining” on the kindle…55 hours. What the fuck? How the shit does this stretch out for 55 hours? Timeout, let’s regroup…let’s look at the table of contents. Hmm, 100 chapters?

No wait, this is a COMPLIATION book!

There’s almost 100 little porno scenes, all with award winning titles: “Born to Come,” “Moans per Hour: A Racecar Romance,” “BBW and the Beast of Planet O,” and “Great British Pound” just to name a few. Let’s be clear, all these stories are awful. They stand for nothing and are only saved by the sheer quantity of its outward packaging. It’s like going to your local porno shop, perusing the bargain bin to find something trashy. You start to watch it and you’re disgusted but WAIT, you’ve accidentally bought a 72-disc box set. Does that make it better? Of course not, but now you’ve got an infinite supply!

VERDICT: My wife and I hated it. Not good for bed time, not good for alone time. Maybe play up the voices of the awful characters and head to an open mic night.

 

4) The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories

Big Book of Orgasms.jpg

How many orgasms dictate the minimum for having a “big book?” As 69 seems like a more than suitable number, this straightforward compilation of smut focuses on what the book calls “Snapshot Erotica.” With no story by “Lady Cheeky” containing over 1,200 words, each skip to cum-town promises to get to the point and focus on the Big-O.

This time I had higher hopes because this book is also available in paperback, which means at least a couple humans had to of approved of its existence. Given the length of each entry, these stories were read best when there were only a few minutes to spare in the evening. No story I read ever had more than one point of view, and each one read like a monologue of this particular woman’s most memorable climax. I say “monologue” as that was the only effective way I could see reading these stories out loud. Picture a young William Shatner: well fitting suit with a loose tie, sitting on a stool on stage, smoking a cigarette orating on an anonymous lady’s craving for a masturbatory orgasm in her health club’s steam room. While these short stories are well written and have a great variety of scenarios, 1,200 words simply isn’t enough time to convey what I or my wife would call “erotica.” Sure, it’s sex, but without even a minimum of character development, these snapshots simply come off as quick hitting, high volume pornography.

Verdict: While I wouldn’t suggest this for bedtime reading, if you and your partner are into roleplay, consider this book “69 conversation starters.”

 

3) Sextrap Dungeon: Clock Tease

Sextrap Dungeon.jpg

A choose your own adventure novel for erotica? But of course! Kurt Knox delivers this third installment in the Sextrap Dungeon series where the reader is thrown into the role of a “shit-hot science chick” that goes on a time traveling sex-capade through various eras and locations. So long as you don’t have on your serious face, the humorous writing style and light-hearted tone will ensure a good time for the reader. That being said, the comparisons to the CYOA novels are at best a nod-and-wink homage, and not a true branching novelization. Not looking for random sex? Well then you die.

This “no sex speed run” was discovered when reading this out-loud like some sort of live performance of an old text-based adventure game. You’ll have plenty of fuck options and probably have a great time doing it, but let’s not make claims of free choice in an engaging world. A more suitable comparison to my mind would be the Adobe Flash Dating Simulation games. Go in, say and do the right things, get to fuckin’.

Verdict: This is certainly not an adventure for two. But while co-op mode may be disabled, take a trip down memory lane and give the “Meet’N’Fuck” genre another go with a fresh interpretation.

 

2) Lust to Love: A Second Chance Romance

Lust to Love.jpg

Right out of the gate I can tell this one is going to be different. First of all, the man on the cover is actually wearing a shirt! Second, and possibly more important, they’re using the word “romance.” Following the proven formula of romance over erotica, these characters should be cock-teasing and waffling for 7/8ths of the book’s duration before finally fulfilling their heart’s desire….by fuckin’. In the case of Lust to Love (written by Mia Ford and Bella Winters…because it took two of them to write this trash), Logan, a twenty-four-year-old children’s services therapist, is suddenly captivated by a (not quite legal seventeen-year-old) Prudence, one of his patients at the poorly explained orphanage known as “the center.”

While most of the novel’s sexual tension comes from the painfully obvious taboos of the age and relationship between the characters, (The password is “daddy issues”), the book still qualifies as erotica. Logan is getting plenty of meaningless ass: hoe at a bar, slutty neighbor, a bartender etc. And while he’s not fucking or cautiously flirting with Pru, he’s having vivid, detailed sex dreams and fantasies about his comedically naïve flame. I appreciate this hybrid of romance and erotica, and the writing is certainly better than your average smut. However, Lust to Love relies far too much on the taboo at the expense of an identifiable story, or characters you want to see fall in love. All that aside, if your shame-o-meter scores less than a 3, there’s more than enough fun to be had in this novel.

Verdict: Fun to read, plenty of characters to exercise your voiceover work…just make sure you’re in a mood to take a walk on the side of forbidden, unethical lust before tilling the road to love.

 

1) Shared by the Mountain Men

Shared by the Mountain Men.jpg

Here’s a perfect example of why my mother always said, “never judge a book by it’s cover.” I had this one pegged as wall-to-wall smut: some half-assed submissive story where she just gets her dicks in stereo. Thankfully, Shared by the Mountain Men by Eddie Cleveland is the most professionally written story in the bunch. In this adventure we meet Caitlin, who through a strange series of events crashes the airplane she was piloting in an Alaskan blizzard and was promptly rescued by two young studly men of the mountain: Ace and Razor.

While the sexual tension is front of mind for the duration, our patented erotic guidelines would conclude that this story qualifies as Romance, as the sex is teased but not delivered until later in the book. Moreover, this sex (while detailed and plentiful), takes a clear backseat to emotions/feelings of all three characters. We found ourselves almost rooting for these characters for a change, and not simply looking down our nose on such usually SHAMEFUL, IMMORAL, UNETHICAL fornication and life choices once everyone’s started getting naked.

Verdict: Three main characters with their own unique flaws and feelings opens the door for some great character work when reading this out loud. Share it with a partner, enjoy it on your own, or read it in the park to the neighborhood derelicts, just make some time for this wild adventure.

 

Hopefully these reviews will help set you and your partner off on the right track to enjoying erotic fiction during your leisure time. Whether you want to make it fun, keep it light, or get things hot and heavy, just remember:  If you have a fantasy…. it’s a guarantee there’s some erotica written about it.

Happy hunting!

 

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