Ah, the pot. Few things result is more laughs and arbitrary snack ideas than toking up. Here at PopLurker, we’re equal opportunists. Why should boozy stories get all the fun when the stoners are ready to laugh to? We asked our readers for their Most Hilarious Stonerific Weed stories, and their answers had us laughing so hard that we kind of shook and didn’t make any noise, but tears were running down our cheeks and it got kind of weird, but yeah…
One time, I declared while stoned, that Sour Cream and Onion chips were supposed to taste like chips and dip. You better believe that for the smallest fraction of my life, I allowed myself to feel like a damn genius.
16) Wrong Kind of Crunchy
So, when I was 14 I dated a guy named Charlie. Charlie was a stoner. A very pretty Italian stoner with beautiful lips and olive skin and deep green eyes… where was I? Well anyway for one reason or another we were interrupted, smoking weed and I told him to hide. Now Charlie, who wanted to be a lawyer when he grew up, was not a smart boy. He hid in the plants for around an hour before I realized he was still at my house and this was before cell phones so it’s not like I could just call him to see where he went. It wasn’t until a knock on my window that I knew. Of course, this was also the guy who ate the potpourri from my bathroom because he thought it was trail mix.
15) Run to the Boarder…
I have a distinct memory of a certain summer where a lot of Taco Bell and Fudgsicles happened on the regular…
14) Passion Play
One of the first times I got high, freshman year of college, my best friend blew smoke on a passing caterpillar. We made up a whole story about how we got him high. He tried to crawl over a rock and we died because it looked like he was trying to fuck the rock.
13) Dank Driving
I think every time I’ve smoked weed it was really oregano because it never has any effect on me. Except once. I was hanging out at a friend’s house when he offered me a ticket to a Rush concert that night in exchange for a ride to the show. Then he offered me a joint without telling me it was super high powered “good shit” so I toked on it pretty hard like I was used to doing. I went home to change, and on the drive back to pick him up, I was so stoned I couldn’t see straight. I made a U turn across 12 lanes of traffic without even looking, trying to get home so I could call him and say “sorry, dude, but I’m not ok to drive.” It’s amazing I didn’t kill myself or anyone trying not to kill myself or anyone. He was pissed about missing the show but I said he should’ve warned me about the pot.
12) Enginn Latur I Latabae
One time I watched Lazy Town and got so high that I decided to learn Icelandic. It worked.
11) You’ll Float Too
I have never smoked pot in my life. But come the first month of the school year on Wednesdays. I would get a contact high of the person behind me. As my mouth goes dry I dream of having an ice cold coke float with grape licorice. He later never returned to school after the first month and I was freed.
10) Bright Side of the Moon
My first time I was 17. Hit me hard, so I stepped outside to get some air. I remember looking at the Moon, and then turning around and the moon was in front of me again, even though I was facing the opposite direction. I turned back to face my original position and the moon of course was there again. Either I had completely lost my bearings or mind, or both.
9) Double Fist Pleasure
I was staying at a hotel in Vegas with my sisters. We’d come with friends (who were in another room) but they annoyed us so much on the drive over that I didn’t want to go anywhere with them. Instead, I got rip-roaring-high with my sisters. I told my friend we’d make up if he got me a Snickers bar and a bag of Lays potato chips. I double fisted the snacks. Oh, and I lied. I was still mad at my friend. But I had my snacks and my ganja.
8) To the Moon and Back
I don’t smoke because it makes me paranoid, but my visit to Amsterdam encouraged me to try a “space cake” that made me eat more than a human should. My friend and I also got lost trying to find our hostel, later realizing that we had just been walking back and forth across the same street (some guys were laughing at us which is how we discovered this information). We passed out at 6pm after using our sheets as togas.
7) Juicy Sensation
Was so stoned I passed out while watching the first pirates of the Caribbean movie. We went to Jamba juice afterwards and I was feeling super dizzy. Ordered an orange a peel and leaned on the counter for a moment. Next thing I know I’m waking up with a bunch of strangers standing over me, looking down, like they do in the movies. I hear my drink get called and I hop up and grab it, then run out. About 10 steps later, I realize my shorts are wet…yep…pissed myself.
6) Need a Hand?
My friends and I were getting stoned in a camper in this girl’s driveway. We dragged her younger brother, who was probably fourteen, in there with us to initiate him. When we were done, he opened the camper door to leave and fell out of it, flat on his face. He started laughing uncontrollably declared “I fell down and my hands didn’t work.”
5) Think They’ll Know?
Me and my roommate used to wait until our boyfriends were gone before smoking. We would then proceed to go to the kitchen and grab a couple of boxes of cereal and eat it out of the box while watching Friends on TV. But were hella paranoid we’d get caught high as a kite by our boyfriends that we would jump into our bedrooms whenever we heard a noise by the front door. Those were good times.
4) I See Stars
My friends and I all got high together in the fall of 2016 at the same time hurricane Matthew was hitting Orlando. It was breezy in St. Louis, so I was like oh, these are the winds from the hurricane (high thoughts), and my friends girlfriend is like omg, what, no. That makes no sense. So, we get into the most hilarious high discussion about wind pressure that eventually leads to her going on Facebook and messaging the weather man from the St. Louis news. After we sobered up, we got a response, and we reread the message we sent him. It was so obvious we were high. Also, my friend has a light up patio umbrella and I thought the lights on it were the stars, and mentioned, out loud, that the stars were super bright. They weren’t. It was the fucking umbrella lights and I’m a moron.
3) I think I’d Like to Have….
Second time I smoked. I went around the mall right before it closed asking for a free slice of pizza and a Cinnabon the nice boys working gave me both.
2) When the Joke is the Punchline
All of mine sum up to the same outcome: laughing hysterically at something that wasn’t even all that funny.
1) Uh, Huh Huh Huh…
I didn’t think I was stoned, but after I watched some random episode of Beavis and Butthead and I couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard, I figured out I was stoned.
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