“Try it, you’ll love it!” claimed every liar who insisted some sludge drink was amazing. “We don’t sell that, but this is just like it!” claimed every cocktail waitress who has no idea what she’s talking about. “I mean, we need to chase it down with something,” said our friend who didn’t care what he drank, just wanted to take down another heavy-weight round of “Ready, Set, Drink”.
Clearly, we all make all decisions sometimes. The pallet isn’t perfect.
That’s why today on PopLurker, we’re counting down the worst mixed drinks we’ve ever had.
Should have just stuck to beer, damn it.
24) I Prefer Blondes…
I dated this guy once who SWORE I needed to drink Red Headed Sluts. He talked about them all the time like they were some holy grail of bar shots. My 21st birthday came and I ordered one…and it was just a shitty liqueur shot. Barely any booze at all and sickeningly sweet. Terrible!
23) A Psycho Circus…
We called it the 1.21 Gigawatts: a double shot, half 99 Bananas, half Bacardi 151 set on fire and dropped into strawberry soda and chugged. It went down WAY to easy. Turned the night into such a shit show for me and all my friends we agreed never to make it again.
22) The Blue Lagoon
Not because it’s necessarily a bad drink, but I drank so many one night at the bar back in 2002 that I puked outside on the sidewalk and spent the night in the drunk tank.
21) Boozy Aioli
I had a cocktail that was made with cilantro-infused gin and the thing just tasted like celery. I wound up dunking my fries in it and our server gave it to me for free.
20) A Tropical, Spicy Death
The Pineapple Jalapeno Margarita from The Cheesecake Factory. They let us sample it when I worked there and I outright refused to sell it. The CCF owner personally tastes everything before it goes on the menu. I’m assuming he had dental work done that day and his mouth was numb.
19) The Gringo Special
My Puerto Rican friends turned me on to it at the Cucaracha — tequila mixed with Kahlua topped with Bacardi 151 and set on fire. Then you drink it with a straw while still on fire. Tasted like kerosene & burning. To this day I don’t know if it was real or they were fucking with me.
18) The STD Shot
1/3 Smirnoff, 1/3 Tequila, 1/3 Drambuie. Causes a burning feeling, you regret it, and the effects stay with you a long time.
17) Poisoned Grass
Spiced rum and melon juice. Weedkiller would have been better.
16) The Galvatron
It tastes like a gallon of gasoline puked in your mouth.
15) Well, it was mixed…
Does J&B whiskey poured into half a bottle of Orange Gatorade count as a mixed drink? Because it was mixed. And it was fucking awful.
14) Gin and Tonic
It tastes like juniper…. no surprise, except I was expecting it to be palatable.
13) The Cement Mixer
It’s equal parts like juice and Bailey’s. You take each one separately then shake your head, it curdles and turns to foam in your mouth. It’s awful. It’s like the go to drink for someone who is drinking for the first time and you want to pull a prank on them. It’s a mean awful drink/prank.
12) A Sour Effect…
To this day I cannot even sniff an amaretto sour without getting ill. I had one in my early 20s. It didn’t go well. My body remembers.
It tasted exactly like liquid Benadryl.
10) The Baltimore Zoo
It has 17 different liquors, and is served in a pitcher-sized glass. For being a $49 dollar drink, it tastes a lot like mop water.
9) Texas Bullshit
Texas Bullfighter. Saddle Ranch Hollywood….entirely too much sugary juice mixed with too many liquors. Long night.
8) A Creative Take On Terror
Steer clear of any place’s “our take on ______.” I ordered a champagne cocktail (sugar cube, angostura bitters, champagne, lemon twist) once and the bar gave me “their take.” I think it might have been pineapple juice, grenadine, simple syrup, and God knows what else- but the effect was very similar the sickly sweet aftertaste of bile.
7) Oh (Not) Yeah!
Cheap vodka and Koolaid. It was freshman year of college! I threw up just fine. I don’t drink anymore!
6) Peppermint Schnapps
It made me throw up, I got the spins, and I swore off alcohol for two years. And I LOVE alcohol!
5) Not so Incredible…
The “Incredible Hulk” Hennessy and Hipnotoq. Tastes like poison. Makes you feel violent.
4) Southern (dis)Comfort
Southern Comfort and Apple Juice. I remember the first four sips and waking up with my head on my friend’s lap, and nothing in between save the vague taste of sugar and regret.
3) The Surfer on Acid
Pineapple juice and Jager. Do I really have to say more?
2) Blobby Shots
In HS my friend and I wanted to make alcoholic Jello. We tried making blackberry Jello with Jim Beam (before Jello shots were a thing). It didn’t congeal because of the alcohol. So we drank the mixture anyway. It was worse than it sounds.
1) Grenadine with Farts
Zima (From Zanzibar!!!) with Grenadine. Imagine a drink that tastes worst than Red Bull and as an added bonus, gives you gas so bad some people want to frack your insides. Yep, no wonder I was single in college.
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