Getting hurt- sure does suck, don’t it? Not only is your physical body banged up and bruised, but if you get caught in front of a bunch of people, you feel like a dumbass too. And it stays in your head.
Today on PopLurker, we asked our readers for some of their best humiliating injury stories, and their answers made us want to laugh at them. In public.
25) Get Drilled
I slammed my own finger in a car door and broke the tip of my finger. The finger to swelled and I had to drill a hole through my nail to relieve pressure. Eventually the nail fell off and a new one grew in place. It was ugly for a while, now you can’t tell except for a small scar that runs through my nail bed.
24) Tag Jamming
I was playing tag with the boys on the elementary school grounds. I went to tag and my friend quickly dodged me. I lost my footing and fell, but I tried to stop myself. I ended up landing on my 4 fingers jamming them all. I was sent to the nurse’s office and I was given a bag of ice. Took two weeks to heal, and I couldn’t even stay home!
23) Wall Hacking
I ended up literally walking into a wall thinking about a project in grad school. What hurt most was my the ice tea in my hand and my dignity.
22) She Likes Them Crunchy
I burnt my body on the beach trying to be sexy in a bikini top. It turns out that when you have the pale skin of a vampire that isn’t good. At least I got a girlfriend out of the experience.
21) Deep-Dive Slamming
A girl I had a crush on had left her sunglasses on the end of a dock we were swimming on with friends. I dove in after them, broke my nose coming back up and misreading where the end of the dock was. Crooked nose ever since.
20) Severed Beef
Never use a 6-inch serrated knife to separate two frozen hamburger patties. Lots of blood, a trip to the ER and 6 stiches. And the doc actually laughed at me (which I totally deserved).
19) The Unforgiving Blade
Back when roller blades were in, I was…I still am…very uncoordinated. Not only did I decide against wearing socks so I had a ring around both my ankles, but I also sprained my arm. How you ask? By rolling downhill into a parked truck. Me 0, Stationary object 100.
18) Bloody Slit
Once before a date I thought to chew some gum, only this gum was the kind that came out of those pop it things with the foil on the back. Turns out it’s a really bad idea to pop it directly into your mouth because the odds of cutting your lip directly in the center and looking like Queen Amidala are pretty high. So, I had to go on that date with a super sore lip and that totally made things awkward. Felt stupid, looked stupid.
17) Smashing Video Game
I was playing Wii baseball and dislocated my knee. Went to try my best at throwing a fast pitch and did a 360 turn and had my knee pop out. I was babysitting my 10-year-old nephew and it was 10 days before my 21st birthday which I had a trip planned to Vegas (I still went to Vegas).
16) Impromptu Hand Crushing
I was bowling and the pins were resetting but the resetting thing got stuck. I pretended to throw the ball but never let go so I swung it upwards and tried to catch it in my palm (never releasing it though) and the momentum made me lose balance. I fell backwards and I landed on my pinky. Ended up splitting it open pretty bad…so bad that as I was heading to the bathroom, I was gushing blood and leaving a trail on the floor. It wasn’t broken just fractured pretty badly. Worst part about it was that it was just a 6-pound ball. The end result is a disfigured pinky and in inability to fully straighten it.
15) Severe Bugging
I was walking down the street, and right in front of my house they were building the set for American Horror Story S7’s, that they were gonna film the next day. Wandering down and being amazed by the set, I did not notice a giant May Bug was about to fly into my eye. The moment he hit, I was caught so off-guard, it shocked me, and I made a spastic move. I felt right on the ground and found out I fractured my foot in two places. Because of a May bug.
14) And the Pain was Killed…
3 days after my cancer surgery, I was walking from the bedroom to the bathroom, and you have to go past the staircase. The painkillers they gave me were very strong, and I just lost my balance, pitched right, and fell straight down the staircase headfirst. I didn’t even guard my head, because I was protecting my abdomen instead. It was a proper ”3 stooges” type prat-fall.
13) It All Comes Down
Working on the counter of a bowling alley, a tech did some work on a ladder right above the desk. After he’d gone and packed up, I went back to the till, and a little later, a whole ceiling section fell onto my head. Was pretty surprising but wasn’t badly hurt!! The CCTV footage was brilliant!
12) Sink or Float
I fell through the floor of a beachside restaurant in Thailand. My leg was literally stuck in the floor up to my hip.
11) Down Goes the Queen
So, when I navigated the swamps of an “experimental” high school, I entered my senior year committed to be awesome. I was the president of 4 school clubs. I was the dedicated stage production manager for the sets of all the theater productions. I was the vice president of the senior class. I was the fucking Prom Queen. I had made it. No doubt, I was the princess of countless wet-dreams. There was a standard to bear. So…I sauntered in to my calculus class one morning, that was held in an enormous, rectangular lab class, filled with rows of the crap-zoidal, wrap-around desks. All eyes were on me. And then, my gorgeous stack heels folded on to one side and I went down. NO. THE FUCKING PROM QUEEN WENT DOWN. I pulled a full-on Flying Wallenda. In a perfect, full spread eagle, I hit the first row and slammed through it, sending desks sliding everywhere. Yup, and there were more. It was a symphony of crashing desks. Taadaah.
10) Clubbed so Hard
I was closing up at work and went outside to Club the rental trucks. Parking lot looked pretty dark so while I was looking up to see if the lights were on I tripped over a parking stop. No time to even think about trying to break my fall, I hit full force on my face and there was so much blood I thought I had bitten my tongue off or maybe broken all my teeth. Luckily it had all come from my nose. So I finished locking the trucks and went inside to wash up and everyone freaked out. The worst part was, the manager saw how scratched up my glasses were and said the company would reimburse me for a new pair. Darned if I’m just too honest because I said they’d been scratched already. Oh, yeah, the lights *had* been on in the parking lot!
9) Layers of Hell
Embarrassing? I cut my finger on a potato. Not a particularly sharp potato, either. Grabbed it, got a chunk wedges under my fingernail, and started bleeding, like a moron. Dumbest? I figured I could do a handstand on my computer chair. Landed on my back on the dresser. Most fun for least reward? I jumped over a hedge during a game of tag and landed in a folding lawn chair. Still have a six inch scar on my right leg from where the folding chair ate my leg meat. Broke the chair, so I won that bout.
8) Zootastic Nightmare
While doing volunteer work at the zoo I stepped wrong on uneven ground and rolled my ankle, breaking it in three places. I had to wear a brace for 9 months after that and it still didn’t heal right. This was 3 years ago and it still hurts sometimes. Oh, and a 5-year-old boy watched me collapse and sit on the ground screaming in pain. I wouldn’t be surprised if he still has nightmares about it. So basically, I managed to injure myself and scar a child all at the same time.
7) Immersive Band Experience
Back when I was branching out from being “shitty bass player” to “shitty bass player who occasionally sang”, I remember one show where I nervously strutted up to the mic and started belting out my lyrics as I closed my eyes in total concentration like a true professional. As the first few words were screamed, one of our fans decided to throw a human at me. This poor projectile slammed into the microphone first, and then directly into my face as I didn’t flinch. All I saw was blood and stars, and I made it through the song leaving behind one hell of a lake of biohazard. I left to go get patched up at the ER at 1am on a Friday, which was full of colorful characters. I got 7 stitches on the outside and 15 on the inside of my mouth. They refused to pay us too, since we only played half a set!
6) Performance Art
I fell asleep on the toilet and didn’t know that my feet were asleep. Stood up, nearly twisted my ankle, scraped my back on the TP holder and landed hard on my tailbone.
5) Even the Car Hates Me
I was 12. Riding my bike around the neighborhood. Thought I saw some bullies following me. Turned onto a side street. Was looking over my shoulder, didn’t see myself veering toward a parked car. Clipped the side mirror and flipped my bike and myself and splatted on the pavement. I hobbled to the curb and assessed my injuries. No one came out of their house to see if I was OK. I was glad no one came out because that meant no one saw what a dumbass Funniest Home Movies moment that was.
4) Gives Sucker a New Meaning
Not so much an injury, but one time I was watching tv and absentmindedly had a Snapple lid in my mouth. I ended up getting a nice hickey on my lower lip from sucking on it. My champion of a mom let me stay home the next day to avoid a lifetime of crippling bullying.
3) One Time in Band Class…
I was 15 1/2 and chasing my friend around in jazz band class and decided to jump over a guitar case to get to my friend faster. My foot hit the corner of the case and down I went, tearing ligaments in the process.
2) Enthusiastic Boning
Jumping up and down the sidewalk like a bunny, Easter was coming and I was a goofy teen. I jumped off the curb onto the street. My foot rolled and I broke a bone in my foot. The bone was poked through my skin and buried into my shoe. Daily I get hurt, I am beyond accident prone.
1) Busted Tired
Yawned as I reached up to a cupboard to get some food, dislocated my jaw and couldn’t eat for a while.