Turkey Day is coming! MST3K Season 12 (The Gauntlet) is coming! Quick! Let’s celebrate our show!
Hyped? I know I am.
Getting down to business– I’ve always broken the best show in the world, Mystery Science Theater 3000, into four categories.
- Movies/Riffing Jokes
- Host Segments
- Musical Segments
While we all have our favorite movies and the jokes that surround them, sometimes its other elements of the show that delight us even more than the riffing. Whether its an especially good invention exchange, or a hilarious sketch with the Mads, there are times when being present with our humans and bots are just as memorable as the theater portions themselves.
If not more. Depending on your groove.
And for me, that can often be the musical segments. Because man; there’s nothing better than belting out a mean tune in your best Kevin Murphy impression! So today on PopLurker, we’re taking a whislin’ walk down memory lane as we countdown our top 15 favorite musical moments from Mystery Science Theater, Three Thousuuuuuuuund!
1) Idiot Control Now from Pod People
With a pickle mind, we kick the nipple beer, steady as a goat, we’re flying over trout!
It makes as much sense as anything else in this movie, doesn’t it?
Idiot Control Now has become the MST3K song that the fandom goes to. From the hilarious lyrics to the ‘It Stinks!’, this song is MST perfection.
2) A Patrick Swayze Christmas from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
I’m not sure the guys knew what they were doing when they wrote this song, but little did they know, they were creating our MSTiE Christmas Anthem! There’s a second Mike-Era Christmas song called ‘Merry Christmas, If That’s Okay’ which celebrates people’s reluctance to say Christmas. It’s all right. But Patrick Swayze Christmas is literally magic. La-la-la-la-la-la-ha-HAAAAAA.
And guess what Crow– it’s finally become a standard.
3) Creepy Girl from Catalina Caper
For me personally, this hilarious song is the only thing that saves Catalina Caper. This was the second MST3K film I saw, right after The Creeping Terror as recommended by my best friend who loved the show. I wasn’t quite sold– the films are unwatchable. But once a robe-clad gumball machine sang his devotions to a ‘Creepy Girl’, I knew we had something special.
4) Gypsy Moons from Crash of the Moons
Oh, Gypsy! We’re wild about you! Which man is going to win your heart? She can’t decide! So let’s make our choice via song with some of the best sets and costumes we’ve ever had on the show and let the guys swoon under the moon for a lady who has stolen all of our hearts.
5) Oh Tibby from Gamera
Do you realize that a robot just sang a love song to a turtle?
6) Clown in the Sky from Pod People
Clown in the Sky is another Joel-Er MST3K song where I’m not sure the guys knew what they were creating at the time. The song has become this declaration of MSTiE allegiance. It’s the song we all want to sing together; the song that makes our status known. Of which Nerd Group we identify with. And if we do our Anthony Newley one more time, we’re going to get thrown against the wall.
7) The Waffle Song from Viking Women and The Sea Serpent
This is a statement unsupported by facts, but I think the MST3K crew was the first one to have Waffle Stoke. Remember the Waffle Song from Teen Titans Go? I know for a fact that some of the dudes on that crew are MSTiES. Know of any other Waffle songs, or have a friend who just goes off on how amazing Waffles are? I’m convinced its because our dudes planted that bug in their heads.
Wash mine down with Aunt Jemima?
8) Master Ninja Theme Song Ending Version from Master Ninja
While I know this episode has a full length song during one of the host segments, it’s this acapella mess of howling insanity that gets me cracking up hardest. It’s this delicious blend of ‘they’re all trying so hard’ (especially Tom Servo) and ‘Wow, this is lunacy’. That just perfectly sums up the ambiance of MST3K.
Master Ninja Theme Song!
9) Hired the Musical from Bride of the Monster
Hired, named after the short of the same name, is one of those songs where once it’s done, you kind of sit back, applaud, and think to yourself ‘wow…these guys just wrote a musical.’ The narrative is so wonderful. Joel and Trace’s singing is delightful. They suck at their jobs. No they don’t, yes I do! And remember– this is all taken in one shot, guys. Brilliance!
10) The Janitor Song from Teenage Strangler
Joel and Mike both have excellent qualities, but I’ve made one observation about the Mike era. Does anyone else feel that he’s just a little saucier? While ultimately, the show is family friendly to the max, Mike the Janitor got to talk about his drinking problem and large collection of porn. It makes way for another comically saucy song that we’re visiting on the list shortly…
11) Who Will I Kill? from Samson Vs. The Vampire Women
Awww…Dr. Forrester has a void in the shape of you…rather…TV’s Frank…once he left the show. We always knew these two loved each other, be it in the lovey dovey or murder friend regard. But Clayton’s sweet song to his beloved partner is a surprisingly touching song in the MST3K catalog. Besides, it takes a very special person who will let you replace their blood with motor oil, or whatever concoction Dr. Forrester shoved inside Frank!
12) Tubular Boobular Joy from Outlaw
Aaaaand, we’re back! Here’s the song that’s about as sleazy as the MST3K boys get. Which really…is pretty tame. The first time I heard this song, I kind of lost my mind in the best way. Because it’s seriously clever! And by the look on Mike’s face, you can see he agrees with my sentiment. From the costumes to the silly dancing, these boob singing dudes are having a blast.
13) If Chauffeurs Ruled the World from The Ring of Terror
You can’t even sing this off-key on purpose. TV’s Frank, you’re the best. Everyone in the world should take a back seat to you, fine sir!
14) Where, Oh Werewolf? from Werewolf
You can’t have an MST3K song countdown without including Where Oh Werewolf? Just in the same way I’m completely convinced those robots are actual living creatures, my brain transformed Mike and crew into teenage girls for this 50s doo-op rendition of a girl looking for her boyfriend. And the end of the song where he dies and Crow/Servo give a monotoned ‘Gee, that’s too bad Suzie?’ Comedy gold. And really, ‘Who is telling the story Carol?’
15) When Loving Lovers Love from Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
Hail the mighty Valkyrie, the goddess of fire herself! Public Pearl sums up so many amazing things. A lovely loving love song by our favorite megalomaniac that is in fact a duet. Loving Lovers Love is a standard too! It’s a Valentines song, damn it! Mary Jo kills it as Pearl and this song encompasses so much comedy and crappy mid-90s sensibilities that it will get you rolling on the floor.
And we really do like pie. Mmm, what a performer.
Bonus Round: Jet Jaguar from Godzilla Vs. Megalon
Read the lyrics. Laugh your ass off. Commence all the Jet Jaguar cosplays. Pretty sure this song is where the One Piece crew got the Soge-King song from. That may not be an actual fact.
Loryn is striking the set and napkining up the blood and entrails on Twitter. She also liked Kim Cattrall’s dress at the Ace awards.