**WARNING: UNCENSORED ADULT CONTENT. NOT SAFE FOR WORK. THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS ADULT SUBJECT MATTER, NAUGHTY, BAD, YUCKY DOO-DOO HEAD LANGUAGE, AND IS INTENDED FOR READERS OVER 18 YEARS OF AGE**
This isn’t the first time I’ve reviewed games for internet gaming company Nutaku Games. Back when I was writing for Nerdbot, I reviewed two of Nutaku’s most popular games. Because of the PG-13 vibe of that particular site, I made sure to blur my images out and not use the name of one of the games because it uses a word that to many women, or even people in general, is triggering.
But we’re on PopLurker now.
So let’s Lurk.
One of the games I checked out was called Booty Calls. It’s about a mermaid who comes out of the water and instructs you to collect vials of Pussy Juice. Once you collect enough pussy juice, you’ll be a big man that all the girls will want to date. Even that quiet broad with the shy, unfucked pussy.
The second game is marketed on the front page as Chick Wars. But that title is a bold-faced lie. It’s not called Chick Wars at all! Want to know what it’s called?
Cunt Wars, guys. The game was called Cunt Wars.
Man, that felt good to type out.
I wanted to give these games the attention they truly deserved. And who better to review anything pornographic than a Lurker? Exactly. No one.
So strap on your dildo and click until you cum, because today we’re reviewing ten hentai games that you can play right now on Nutaku.net!
10) Fap CEO
I love the name of this game so much that as soon as my business cards run out, I’m going to get a new line of them printed with Fap CEO as my official title. Last time I reviewed games for Nutaku, I actually tried to play this title because I was informed that it was one of their most popular.
The truth of it is, Fap CEO is boring as hell. The premise is that you are the CEO of a company and you’re hiring a bunch of hot ladies. You level them up so they become more efficient employees and you become a super powerful business owner.
In typical browser flash game fashion, you’re sort of left confused and not knowing what to do. Amber, the red head with glasses, seems to be leveling up by just…typing. You can literally walk away and the game plays itself. I mean, I guess if you just want to walk away and day drink and pay for it with your company Visa card, then yeah– this game mirrors real life. Sure. Why not. Let’s go with that.
9) Fap Titans
I’m surprised by the number of turn-based-strategy games Nutaku has chosen to publish. From monster battles to fantasy card-deck games (that’s a technical term, you know), their target audience seems to be the preexisting card gamer crowd. I sort of wonder if they even have to work that hard. Like, I’d be totally down just to play some game where a woman is laying on a bed and you use to cursor to slowly undress her and have some point and click conversation which leads to her agreeing to let you finger her.
Then again, I saw porn simulators at Hentai-Con and they were a little uncomfortable in a large group…so maybe Porno-Pokemon it is.
Fap Titans is neither about fapping or titans. It’s a girl in a cowboy hat card battling monsters. It’s not exciting or engaging and I will probably never play it again.
8) Everlasting Summer
Less of a game and more of a visual novel, Everlasting Summer is a Soviet wet dream. Built off the new smart phone model of gaming where you get a sneak peek and then need to pay to see the good stuff, this ‘game’ is really just…I don’t know. I kept clicking and seeing words but the story didn’t happen.
And I’ve watched a lot of Russian porn. They know what they’re doing over there in that department! I was actually really excited for this title. It reminded me of the Fear Street fan fictions I always wrote in my head about four girls having a long, sexy, life changing summer. But sadly, this visual novel just didn’t get there. Or anywhere, for that matter.
7) Crush, Crush, Moist & Uncensored
I’m not sure if the name of this game is a title, or a state of being but either way it should be my final form. Never have I ever heard such a clever name for a game. And check out the title screen; there are girls all over it!
I was ready for Cassie to introduce me to her hoard of tit-clan soldiers and lead me into the slippery land. But again, because this is a clicking based browser game, the galley of bodacious, luscious sweet cans was just bait.
Here’s what the actual game play of Crush, Crush, Moist and Uncensored looks like. And as you can see, it’s click the tabs and see what happens. And you know what doesn’t happen? Bouncing boobs and people going down on each other.
Not *my* porno game.
I couldn’t get this Hearthstone parody entitled Smutstone (totally my new name after I legally change my title to Fap CEO) to load properly, so I sadly wasn’t able to properly review it for you fine and beautiful people. But you can see from the preview picture that it’s a card game. Pussy the Gathering. Boobpire the Masquerade. Pussymon. Boo-Bi-Oh. Various…card…type…something…game…thing.
You get the idea.
5) Booty Calls
I’ve already reviewed Booty Calls at length. Hard, long, in depth, thrusting length. It’s the game with the mermaid and the pussy juice. Because I played it before, my save file picked up where I left off. Which was trying to have sex with this virgin.
I can tell this game was made by dudes who don’t have much sex, because this whole stigma of the bloody virgin is the most ridiculous shit in the world. I’m boggled that in 2018 it’s something that’s still discussed.
Dates are puzzle games, gifts for the girls are in the form of real-time purchases as ‘power ups’ (roses and diamonds and candy and shit) and the objective of the game, as with any browser or phone game, is for me to spend my hard earned boner-cash on add ons.
4) Cunt Wars
In spite of its abrasive title, Cunt Wars is actually the best game Nutaku has to offer. I played this one at length and I just think it’s a super fun little game. I think I would describe it as a turn-based strategy game? It’s more or less just the battle portion of an RPG. Our objective is to protect Adam, the gentleman with the white hair and and massive dong. We enlist the help of warriors, Nagas, and other fantasy fighting folk to take turns battling the jerks who want to defeat him and his orgy army.
The best part of this game is the artwork. I sincerely like it. You can make fun of me, I don’t care. But all of it is very appealing to me.
With really fun screens for your victories and defeats, Cunt Wars not only has the best game play, but the visuals are the only ones I’ve found somewhat tingly and titilating.
3) Panties of Rage
Trust me, this game is not half as cool as its name and title art.
It’s another clicking browser game where you run around a grass field as little chibi-characters. It’s not sexy, nor is it much fun.
I couldn’t even really figure out the game play mechanics, nor was I sure if that blood on the ground came from my pussy or not.
But maybe that’s what the ‘Raging Panties’ title is referring to. Because see, bloody roaring raging blood coming from it because bleeding vag and…
*jumps out window*
2) Pocket Waifu
I was really excited for Pocket Waifu. It took me back to my days watching Harem-Anime (which I affectionately call ‘Everyone Wants to Do Me’ anime, and yes I wrote a fucking article about it). Shows like Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo, Love Hina, Ah! My Goddess, Saber Marionette, and all that stuff where there’s a hapless idiot surrounded by unbridled, wild tits. I was hoping Pocket Waifu could lead me to the clouds of Valhalla and show me, this crazed Oldtaku (that’s an otaku who is aging) what the cool young kids are into these days. With their Waifus and their Weeb and sex pillows and whatever the shit.
But the game wouldn’t load.
So my load couldn’t load, either.
1) Cosmic Shock League
Check out this league of problems. There’s like 13 problems on this screen and they’re all in the form of hot babes of varying art styles. I love the title for this game too, Cosmic Shock League. It reminds me of Toxic Shock Syndrome, the blood poisoning ailment you get from leaving a tampon stuffed in your body for too long.
Although I was really excited for the chance to see all these sweet cans fighting for my attention, this was another game I couldn’t get to properly load. This is like playing Action 52 for the NES– some of the games won’t load and that that do are repeats of another game on the website. But this game will remain a mystery until my Nutaku return. Were the girls going to shoot bullets from their titties? Bazookas from their butts? Only time and another round on the blood soaked hentai-game battle field will tell.
Look– I’m not trying to paint some nerd rage narrative that these games from Nutaku are bad, or they suck, swallow, regurgitate, etc. Truthfully, they are what they are. Comically titillating and functional at their core. While someone can J.O. to a toy catalog if that’s their flavor, I don’t think these are made for the intention of ‘whacking off in my tool shed’. These are fun, funny browser games. Nutaku has a whole host of games that cost additional money to play, and that’s probably where the real goods are. Unfortunately, PopLurker is not monetized so I can’t afford to buy the games. But if you want to see more, kick me down a coffee from PopLurker’s Ko-Fi account! (Link below!) I’ll watch boobs bounce and describe the majesty in front of my lecherous eyes.
Loryn Smut-Stone. Fap CEO.
Tough gig, right?
I think that with some more female-centric writing and sensory language, the games would be more inclusive. They all need that slow burn and not the ‘pumped out of some random European country’ vibe and they’d be a lot more…effective in the tingly area. And fortunately…
I’m available for freelance.
Loryn is checking the oil on Twitter.