**WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS CARTOON NUDITY, PROFANITY, EXPLICIT SEXUALITY, POSSIBLE TRIGGERS, AND WAS WRITTEN BY A GARBAGE PERSON. IT IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK AND COMEDY IS A SUBJECTIVE WORD. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED**

 

You know how when I’m given a thing to review, I have a tendency to thank them at the top of the article for kicking me down?

Well, this time I wasn’t given a thing, dammit.

And I wish I had been given a thing.

Let me explain.

A few days ago, this showed up in my email inbox. A bright, screaming advertisement telling me to go back to Nutaku for more gaming fun. Because this time, the games we’re playing…

Are gay games!

AAAAOOOOOOWWWW! LURKERS UNITE!

Okay, I’m better now.

The last two times I played games over on Nutaku, I definitely didn’t remember seeing a section for queer games. So, I followed the link and made my way back to the site where their ‘LGBTQ+ content’ was separated into three categories.

Gay. Lesbian. And Transgender.

It was transgender that caused me to raise an eyebrow. Now, to be blunt, I am a bisexual (though I prefer men over women) cis-gendered female and woman. However, I am a trans-ally and therefore I was very curious how Nutaku was going to handle the concept of sexual video games that feature trans characters. Would they be directed toward the trans experience? Or simply fetishize the transgender body? I had to know.

But first, Lesbian games!

What do you see upon first glance here? That’s right– all of these games cost money. In some cases, up to nearly $30! That’s just money I don’t have because PopLurker isn’t monetized and we no longer have a Patreon. However, we have a Ko-Fi account, and if I get any donations, I’ll let my readers choose which lesbian Nutaku game I purchase and play.

Regardless, the images are simply fascinating.  Therefore, we will be weird and enjoy them together. Even if we can only play the games in our imaginations.

What a selection! There’s even a game called Ecchi Sketch. Say it out loud a few times!

And when I saw Sweet Volley High, I lost my mind.

By clicking on the names of certain games, it takes you into a description where you can  read a synopses of the game, complete with screen shots. Like the one for this Game of Thrones rip off called  Ice and Fire of Maiden. 

I couldn’t write a better title if I tried.

While clicking around the Lesbian games, I noticed a trend. Many of these fairly expensive games were nothing more than visual novels. And if you remember from my last Nutaku games article, visual novels are a shitload of clicking fuck. You can buy an erotic novel for cheaper than this game, or watch a clip from a billion Hentai animes that will make you cum for free. So why would you want to spend money on a visual novel? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

I moved into the Transgender games, and what I found was a slush pile of where 1999 went to die. The games were all, you guessed it, chicks with dicks. Just cis-gendered, female presenting cartoon characters with huge awesome boobs and raging cocks.

Brought to you by 3D Fuck House. The publisher is called 3D FUCK HOUSE.

I’m not even kidding.

Look, I’m not in any position (pun always intended) to speak on any trans experience. Some people like being hyper sexualized, and really, that’s totally okay. But you can’t just take a girl, slap a boner on her, and pretend you’re representing some trans experience.

That’s like how the 2017 Power Rangers movie declared they had a queer character and an ASD character and did nothing with them to represent their experience other than say ‘I exist’.

Fuck yeah, I’m still talking shit about that dumpster fire of a film.

Last on the list, I wandered into the curious abyss of the games strictly labeled ‘Gay’.

And oh my goodness. Ohhh, my goodness. Do you see what I see? Up there, on the Gay banner.

Two of those games….are free to play. 

https://imgur.com/r/TheSimpsons/7voS76h

Let’s dive in for a quick review.

First on the list is Gay Harem. From the look of the artwork, it looks like a weeb fantasy about anime characters who you declare your ‘husbando’.

I’ll throw down a few screen shots from this monster. More or less, it’s bawdy screen shots and a game that plays itself as you click. You’re a character who is watching some fuck scenes play out. You open the door to weeb Valhalla, as many parodies of anime characters are going to town on each others’ dongsicles. You wake up surround by empty booze bottles and naked dudes before an apple is delivered to your door that makes you have sparkle jizz magic. And really, that’s kind of where it ends before the game starts playing itself and making you click till you cum.

The best part about this game? It’s still confused, because it tells you how many girls you need to collect. So clearly, there’s either a skin on it, or few than zero fucks were given about dialogue, in typical Nutaku fashion. But come on, this is  male-centric gay game. Make them not say ‘girls’! I believe in you, Nutaku! It can be done!

And last on the ‘free gay games’ list, my curious and mildly horrified friends is…

Men Bang.

Men Bang.

Men….Bang.

This game is honestly the worst. You drive a taxi. You pick up dudes. You drive around on what looks like a vinyl placemat. I’m sure at some point sexy happens, but I never got there. It’s another click and collect and accomplish some mission and spend money and coins and bullshit in a browser.

So there we have it, self declared LGBTQ+ Games brought to us by Nutaku. We’ve had three free rounds kids, and next time, they’re going to make us pay for the tits. We can’t have any more freebies! We can’t Lurk and slack off forever, friends. Next time, we’re going to earn the boobs!

But until that happens…

Let’s go back to collecting vials of that sweet, sweet, juicy from the shy unfu….

You know what?

I’m good.

 

Loryn is saving her pennies on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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