Movie sequels are a fun and interesting thing to discuss. There are endless conversations about sequels that are better than the original (Terminator 2, Aliens, and Toy Story 2 typically winning for top contenders). You have strange sequels that take place in a whole new land with mild, tiny tie ins to the original film (like two of my favorites, Mannequin 2: On the Move and Shock Treatment) which have been discussed here on PopLurker before.
Then, there’s that last and more rare type of sequel. And really, it’s in the negative. It’s a sequel that you know is terrible. A sequel that never needed to exist. A sequel that does absolutely nothing to build upon a franchise. In fact, it’s a rehash if nothing else. A story that copies its source material and overall, it’s garbage town. However…
There’s this one little itsy-bitsy tiny little thing that just pulls your intrigue in. Something that makes you stop in your tracks, look twice, and need to watch this piece of crap as often as you can.
And for me, my friends, this movie sequel is Teen Wolf Too.
God damn it, Teen Wolf Too.
As a quick reminder for the uninitiated, Teen Wolf is a 1985 ‘competition movie’ starring Michael J. Fox as Scott Howard. Scott is a seemingly normal high school kid who can’t exactly catch a break. He’s sort of basic bitch, but he has two best friends, a dude named Stiles and a girl named Boof.
Scott wants to be a basketball team champion and he has his eye on the blonde bitch named Pam. Pam is currently tied up with the jock-dick named Nick. Nick is a total bully fucker, and Scott knows he just can’t win. Until one day at a party, Scott discovers his family’s secret.
HE’S A WEREWOLF!
Of course, in typical 80s movie fashion, becoming The Wolf makes Scott’s life better. He’s turbo good at sports, everyone wants to be around him, he’s super popular with ladies (which hurts Boof’s feelings of course, because she’s always loved him for who he is), and blah blah blah. In the end, he wins the basketball game not as the wolf, but as good old Scott Howard.
The movie was fun and it spawned a cartoon series of the same name.
A million years later, a new moody ala Twilight show called Teen Wolf emerged as well, but we’re ignoring that for today. Because remember, this article is about Teen Wolf Too.
And my sexual awakening.
Teen Wolf Too showed up on the scene in 1987, only two years after their original film made its appearance. It starred a young Jason Bateman as a new character named Todd Howard, the convenient cousin to Michael J. Fox’s character, Scott. Todd is a Hamilton University student who has made it there on a full athletic scholarship on the recommendation of Scott’s basketball coach who is hoping that Todd carries the wolf-out gene. Poor Todd– he just wants to be a veterinarian. He doesn’t want to box at all! Alas, he is forced into the ring. He gets knocked out…
And the wolf gene comes out full force.
Truthfully– Teen Wolf Too is color by numbers and the colors are all murky shit sludge. Swap out Scott for Todd. Swap out basketball for boxing. Swap out Boof for nerdy brunette, Nicki. Swap out blonde bitch Pam for blonde bitch Lisa. The only slightly original twists is that the coach is aware of the wolf gene, and the science professor who Todd connects with and becomes close too is also secretly a werewolf.
Then really, why are we bothering to discuss this movie here today? It’s unanimously terrible and there’s nothing here to discuss. Except for one thing, one very personal thing.
Jason Bateman as Todd Howard was my sexual awakening. I should probably be embarrassed of this or keep my damn mouth shut, but I can’t. It’s just too good.
I was fifteen the first time I saw this movie, which was in the year 2000. I caught it on TV and even though I’d seen the original and the cartoon a million times, I had no idea a sequel existed. Curiosity kept me from changing the channel. But it was this face that transformed my body.
I feel almost bad now as a 33 year old woman creeping on a young Jason Bateman. While I can look at Jason Bateman the actor today and admit he’s attractive, it’s not the same. It was Todd Howard who literally needed me to procure a new pair of underpants that day. It’s the same thing for me when I watch Ghostbusters. It’s not Harold Ramis that causes the sploosh life– it’s Egon Spangler. And holy shit, is it hard for me to watch Ghostbusters without squirming.
Back to Teen Wolf Too.
I was never the person to crush on actors. But I am the person to crush on fictional characters. And maybe Todd Howard as a hot nerd with a very dumpy girlfriend did something for me when I was a nerdy fifteen year old myself. Maybe it was superficial. Maybe it reflected male nerd culture where they think they deserve a trophy girl and I wanted my hot nerd trophy boy. I don’t know the science behind it. But I can say this much.
This studying scene where Todd climbs on top of Nicki, as tame and stupid as it was, was a uh…’mental image’ I revisited throughout my teenage years. If not for the sudden flip switch of juicy nectar flows, Teen Wolf Too would have been lost to obscurity in my head. But because of the affect it had on my stupid jailbait underage body, it earns a place in ‘This sequel was shit town…and yet…’
And yet will always be the caveat.