Ebay Wants Me To Buy A Book About Drawing Panties Correctly

To which I say, “Fuck you, eBay. Go ahead and salt the wound. Because the joke’s on you– I can’t fucking draw anything.”

End article. You can go now.

Wait, don’t leave me, I haven’t finished yet.

Look– this book isn’t news. That’s not why we’re having this conversation right now. But when you’re simply lurking the internet, minding your own dirty fan fiction business and eBay shows up out of nowhere and says “Hey, Garbage-Person. You know what you need? An entire book filled with penciled renditions of pouting honey pots, puffy little petals, and everything yonic contained in in the cotton cup of of fetishized hearts, stripes, lace, or silk.” You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog!

Time for a riveting game of ‘Peekaboo Panties”, where everyone is a winner

The book is called How To Draw Panties, and it was…ahem…released in 2016. So clearly, this book is nothing new, and this isn’t my “look at this” declaration of something I’m stupid enough to think no one knows about. That said, I’m definitely ready for Sleaze-Town, so grab hold of your socks and read on, my friends.


I wish this book existed when I was but a young Otaku hentai weirdo. I started watching ‘accidental anime’, which was all the stuff Nickelodeon brought over in the mid-late 1980s. It was just preschool baby stuff from Japan. Unbeknownst to me, all of my favorite DIC stuff from Shuki Levy and Haim Saban was all drawn in Japan, so even the mild Japanese aesthetics of Rainbow Brite, Inspector Gadget, and Heathcliff were appealing to me. I saw my first episode of Sailor Moon (and hated it) in 1996. But by 1998 I was hooked and on my full downward spiral into the world of any anime series I could find in weird clips on that juvenile creation called the internet, bizarre titles coming to video rental shelves, and thick crude early manga from Viz that had its images flipped and its translation butchered.


By the early 2000s, books proclaiming that they could teach us how to draw manga began popping up on American shelves. Some were of better quality than others. I remember there were certain books (which I won’t post because I’m not here to shame anyone who was clever enough to figure out how to convince a publisher that publishing their ugly drawings was a good idea. That sort of business manipulation takes talent). But it’s just a shame that it would take until 2016 before the world figured out that when we draw characters, all we want to do is see them licking each other, anyway, right?


So, I was leering the book that dropped in my sodden lap and more or less thinking that everything I was seeing was pretty damn cool, until a wrench was thrown in the works with one single word and image.

Fucking. Loli. 

hate Loli. And now you can, too.


For the uninitiated, Loli is short for Lolita, and it’s as simple as it sounds– it’s desiring a young girl. How, whether it bleeds over into actual men wanting actual young girls is an area we’re not touching on today at all, but we are going to discuss it in the weeb/anime fandom. Have you ever had that friend who just took a little too much interest in Sasami from Tenchi Muyo? Well, we all did and his name was Casey. He was kind of too into the fact that he thought Sasami was “adorable”, but figuring out who your Loli obsessed friend is right away is an excellent filter when you and your friends are getting to anime and manga.

Now, stories and imagery of younger girls isn’t per se the problem. Ever since I was a teenager myself, I’ve been a sucker for high school romances and first time stories. That’s not because I think there’s anything special about high schooler getting their weird awkward parts slippery (gross), but it’s more like that pivotal time when everything is exciting and new and swirling drama and confusion. Hell, that’s why the expression “I feel like I’m in high school again” exists. But anyway, you get it. And if you don’t, please don’t call the police, we’re just having a conversation.

When it comes to depictions of young women with agency over their bodies and sexuality, I always refer to the manga series Citrus. I know writers in the Yuri community (lesbian manga) that shit all over Citrus  because Mei forces herself on Yuzu, but many bisexual women I know (myself included) think this manga is fucking sexy and filled with pulsating tension.


I’m not saying bisexual=‘I think it’s sexy‘, but this is just sort of the trend I’ve seen. The point to all of this is age of character doesn’t equal problem off the bat. “High school girls” looking like ten year olds is the problem.

I don’t have a soapbox here. I’m not shaming a panties book because duh, it’s a fetish book disguised as an art book. All good here, live your best juicy mound life. I just don’t think anyone should be accidentally tricked to look at Loli. Like those hentai statues of “cute girls riding bananas”. You know, just regular shit that happens all the time.

Therefore, instead of getting tricked via eBay like I was, please have the choice I never had because the leering peek of a trash person voyeur was just too strong. Want to learn how to draw panties? Draw them on women who look like women. Babes with eyes that look at the viewer with a bold, confident gaze. Lewd pictures that teeter on that edge of vulgar but that push off the cliff is on you and your imagination.

Like this image from the book ‘How to Draw Sexy Girls’

But again, this is all preference. This is the ramblings of a single garbage person. Take what you like and leave the rest. Maybe none of this applies to you. If you’re an artist, draw the book you want. Or if nothing else…

I’ll tell you in advance that if you’ve been debating writing a ‘How to Draw Tentacles’ book…let me know in advance. Don’t make me trip over it on eBay on my way to FanFiction.net.


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