Wonder Woman 1984, after many delays, was released in *theaters and on HBO Max. At first, many of us fans assumed that the reason for these delays… upon delays… upon delays… were because of the current state of affairs in our health and social climate. Let’s be direct– things are fuck-upside-down. So, it’s easy to be sympathetic… that is, until this… ahem… experience of a film finally dropped over Christmas weekend.
What a disaster– from a narrative standpoint this movie barely plods along. Gal Gadot is wooden and bored, with heavy-lidded eyes gazing past people with small smirks of superiority wiped over her face. It’s just dull, plain and simple. An hour in and the story moved nowhere. All plot points and character motivations were tropey and trite. And as for the audience– this movie wasn’t geared toward children or adults. (don’t get me started on how annoying and embarassing all the jammed-in kids reacting to the situation moment there were– that’s not going to get me to feel the feels when you, the film makers, are not correctly getting me to feel the feels.)
And as many people that watched pointed out, there is nothing in this movie that makes it a period piece. It’s all marketing, and the only person who managed to tap into the “1984” theme was the graphic designer creating the marketing ads and posters.
If you truly want to make Wonder Woman 1984 an 80s experience, lets all admit that this film is the next in line to receive the E.T. on Atari treatment– it would do better in a landfill.
Therefore, we here at PopLurker have curated a list of 30 Things from the 80s that were missing from Wonder Woman 1984— remember kids, it’s not just 80s because you said so. It’s not just 80s because you wear some layered, ruffled skirts and fishnet gloves. It’s 80s because of games, tech, toys, food, lifestyle, and more. But WW84 is doing us a favor by being the final nail on the coffin of 80s period pieces and proves that we all need to move on to the next era. 2002– we’re coming for you.
30 Things from the 80s that were Missing in Wonder Woman 1984
80s mall décor**
80s hair and makeup on the actors
80s games, hobbies, and lifestyles
80s kids on bikes
80s latchkey kids
80s snacks and food
80s drug addictions
80s jock bully and his hot girlfriend
80s makeover and nerdy but hot girlfriend still loves you
Send Me an Angel Montage
Who Do You Want To Be Montage
Garfield and Friends
The Real Ghostbusters
When Saturday Rocks on CBS
Hey Vern, It’s Earnest
Teen Wolf. Just teen Wolf.
An 80s mascot car
Diana Jazzercising ***
*Theaters is a funny, funny word in our 2020 COVID infested world. I can say with confidence that like five movie theaters are open in this country right now. True stats and research done on that– like five.
**THE BURBANK MALL HAS MARBLE AND SKYLIGHTS, YOU JERKS! WHERE WAS THE BROWN TILES, GREEN FELT STAGES, ASHTRAYS, AND ATRIUMS?!?!)
***That gym scene was a joke
****Barbara was not an 80s underdog. She was a 90s one and her storyline mirrored The Riddler’s from Batman Forever so hard.
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