Wonder Woman 1984, after many delays, was released in *theaters and on HBO Max. At first, many of us fans assumed that the reason for these delays… upon delays… upon delays… were because of the current state of affairs in our health and social climate. Let’s be direct– things are fuck-upside-down. So, it’s easy to be sympathetic… that is, until this… ahem… experience of a film finally dropped over Christmas weekend.

What a disaster– from a narrative standpoint this movie barely plods along. Gal Gadot is wooden and bored, with heavy-lidded eyes gazing past people with small smirks of superiority wiped over her face. It’s just dull, plain and simple. An hour in and the story moved nowhere. All plot points and character motivations were tropey and trite. And as for the audience– this movie wasn’t geared toward children or adults. (don’t get me started on how annoying and embarassing all the jammed-in kids reacting to the situation moment there were– that’s not going to get me to feel the feels when you, the film makers, are not correctly getting me to feel the feels.)

And as many people that watched pointed out, there is nothing in this movie that makes it a period piece. It’s all marketing, and the only person who managed to tap into the “1984” theme was the graphic designer creating the marketing ads and posters.

If you truly want to make Wonder Woman 1984 an 80s experience, lets all admit that this film is the next in line to receive the E.T. on Atari treatment– it would do better in a landfill.

Therefore, we here at PopLurker have curated a list of 30 Things from the 80s that were missing from Wonder Woman 1984— remember kids, it’s not just 80s because you said so. It’s not just 80s because you wear some layered, ruffled skirts and fishnet gloves. It’s 80s because of games, tech, toys, food, lifestyle, and more. But WW84 is doing us a favor by being the final nail on the coffin of 80s period pieces and proves that we all need to move on to the next era. 2002– we’re coming for you.

30 Things from the 80s that were Missing in Wonder Woman 1984

80s music

80s cars

80s stores

80s mall décor**

80s hair and makeup on the actors 

80s slang

80s furniture

80s games, hobbies, and lifestyles 

80s robots

80s kids on bikes

80s latchkey kids

80s snacks and food

80s drug addictions

80s Cories 

80s sports

80s jock bully and his hot girlfriend 

80s underdog****

80s makeover and nerdy but hot girlfriend still loves you 

Send Me an Angel Montage

Who Do You Want To Be Montage

Cyndi Lauper

Paul Ruben 

Michael Jackson

Garfield and Friends

The Real Ghostbusters 

When Saturday Rocks on CBS 

Hey Vern, It’s Earnest 

Teen Wolf. Just teen Wolf. 

An 80s mascot car

Diana Jazzercising ***

*Theaters is a funny, funny word in our 2020 COVID infested world. I can say with confidence that like five movie theaters are open in this country right now. True stats and research done on that– like five.

**THE BURBANK MALL HAS MARBLE AND SKYLIGHTS, YOU JERKS! WHERE WAS THE BROWN TILES, GREEN FELT STAGES, ASHTRAYS, AND ATRIUMS?!?!)

***That gym scene was a joke

****Barbara was not an 80s underdog. She was a 90s one and her storyline mirrored The Riddler’s from Batman Forever so hard.

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